Navigating the Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey of Struggle, Growth, and Self-Realization

Recently, on my podcast,  I shared a deeply personal story about losing my one-year-old son to Child Protective Services in a horrible custody bottle. In that month’s time that he was away from me, it felt like my life’s version of the Dark Night of the Soul. In this article, I want to delve deeper into the most critical aspects of this journey, providing insights, reflections, and advice based on my experiences. So, let's explore the transformative power of struggle, the importance of self-care, and the path to spiritual growth and self-realization.

The Dark Night of the Soul

The "Dark Night of the Soul" is a term originally coined by the 16th-century Spanish mystic and poet, St. John of the Cross. He describes this as a profound period of spiritual desolation, suffering, and inner turmoil that many believe is a necessary precursor to spiritual enlightenment. This experience can be likened to a deep, existential crisis where you may feel abandoned by God or disconnected from your spiritual path, leading to a profound sense of despair and confusion.

St. John of the Cross wrote about this concept in his poem "Dark Night" and elaborated on it in his treatise The Dark Night. According to him, this experience involves the purification of the soul, stripping away all attachments and desires to bring one closer to divine union with God. It is a process where one must endure spiritual trials and tribulations to ultimately reach a state of profound peace and closeness with the divine.

The dark night of the soul is not restricted to religious or mystical experiences. In a broader psychological and existential context, this concept has been explored by notable figures such as Carl Jung. Jung described the dark night of the soul as an essential part of the individuation process, where the ego is deconstructed to reveal the true self. This transformative journey requires facing one's deepest fears and insecurities, often involving significant emotional and psychological pain. Through this process, individuals can emerge more authentic, self-aware, and enlightened.

Jung believed that the dark night of the soul is a natural part of the human experience, an inevitable phase of personal growth and self-realization. It is during these dark times that the unconscious mind brings to the surface unresolved issues and repressed emotions, forcing the individual to confront them head-on. This confrontation can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and one's place in the world, fostering a sense of wholeness and integration.

In contemporary psychology, the concept of the dark night of the soul is often associated with periods of depression, anxiety, and profound personal crises. These periods can be seen as opportunities for significant personal growth and transformation. Modern psychotherapists and energy healers like me may guide individuals through these challenging times by helping them explore and integrate their shadow aspects, fostering greater self-awareness and personal resilience.

Losing Harleaux

My dark night of the soul experience manifested as a very intense emotional, spiritually and physical struggle. When my son, Harleaux, was around 9 months, I was separating from his father because our relationship was very strained and abusive. In this chaotic environment, Harleaux struggled with transitioning to solid foods, vomiting most anything that wasn’t breastmilk and was diagnosed as “failure to thrive” by the time he turned one.

As the turbulent relationship with his father worsened coupled with ensuing custody mediation and court litigation, his father called Child Protective Services claiming I was starving and neglecting Harleaux. To my dismay, he completely disregarded the facts I shared with him that proved Harleaux suffered with a digestive disorder and had been undergoing weekly alternative medical treatments for months.

It felt as if I was being punished, as CPS investigators allowed his father to exclusively care for him while they questioned my decisions to breastfeed my son, feed him organic fruits and vegetables and treat his acute digestive condition with Chinese herbs and acupuncture.

Seeking Alternative Treatment

Faced with the limitations of conventional medicine, I turned to Chinese medicine for Harleaux to get to the root of what was causing his digestive issues and constant vomiting. Acupuncture and herbal treatments offered a new perspective as they were able to categorically diagnose him with severe fear and anxiety at 13 months. This alternative approach validated my own experiences and underscored the deep connection between emotional and physical well-being. It was a pivotal moment that reinforced the importance of exploring holistic healing methods.

The decision to seek alternative treatment was a testament to my belief in the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) views health as a balance of the body's vital energies, and it provided a framework for understanding and addressing the root causes of Harleaux's issues rather than just treating the symptoms. This holistic approach resonated with my own experiences and beliefs, offering a path to healing that conventional medicine had not.

Personal Story of Struggle

The legal and custodial battles that ensued were equally harrowing. Accusations in court from Harleaux's father and the involvement of Child Protective Services tested my resilience. I endured societal judgments along with legal struggles while striving to remain true to my core values and beliefs. This period was one of the darkest nights of my soul, filled with feelings of shame, self-doubt, and worthlessness.

This traumatizing experience pushed me to confront my deepest fears and doubts. The pain and self-judgment I endured during this period were immense, leading to feelings of isolation, hopelessness, and a profound sense of loss particularly as I was also navigating the nuances of my mom’s mental illness, which at the time was progressing into dementia.

Despite the tremendous pressure, it was in these dark times that I experienced significant spiritual growth. The suffering I encountered forced me to look within and reassess my values, beliefs, and sense of self. This journey of exploration and self-discovery paved the way for a deeper connection with my true self, with God and with the divine energies of the universe.

Reflections and Spiritual Growth

Reflecting on my experiences, I realized that the dark night of the soul, while incredibly challenging, is a powerful catalyst for personal transformation. It strips away superficial layers and compels us to confront our core essence. Through this process, we can emerge more resilient, self-aware, and spiritually enlightened. The dark night of the soul is not merely a period of suffering but a profound journey toward self-realization and spiritual awakening. By embracing this process, we can find greater meaning, purpose, and connection in our lives.

I realized how these challenges had forged me into a more powerful and compassionate person. My core values of trust and divine justice became evident as I navigated through adversity. I learned that responding to oppression with higher consciousness and strategic action, rather than retaliation, is essential. These reflections have been instrumental in my spiritual growth and self-realization.

My journey through the dark night of the soul taught me the importance of surrendering to the process and trusting in a higher power. It was through this surrender that I found the strength and clarity to move forward. The insights gained during this time have been invaluable, shaping my understanding of myself and my purpose in this world.

Importance of Self-Care and Affirmations

Throughout my dark night of the soul journey and beyond, self-care and positive affirmations played a crucial role in my healing process. Reprogramming negative self-talk and creating space for personal mistakes allowed me to cultivate a positive mindset and deeper self-acceptance. Daily practices such as walking, listening to music, journaling, and prayer helped me to better manage my emotions and build resilience. Embracing self-love and affirmations became vital tools in overcoming my vicious thoughts of self-hatred and self-judgment.

Self-care is not just about physical well-being but also about nurturing the mind and spirit. Positive affirmations helped me to counteract the negative thoughts that often accompany the dark night of the soul. By consistently affirming my worth and capabilities, I was able to shift my mindset from one of despair to one of hope and possibility. This practice of self-affirmation and care was crucial in maintaining my mental and emotional health during these challenging times.

Advice Based on My Experience

1. Embrace the Struggle: Understand that periods of intense struggle are necessary for growth. They are opportunities to build strength and resilience. Embrace these times as essential parts of your journey, knowing that they are shaping you into a stronger, more resilient individual.
2. Seek Holistic Healing: Don't hesitate to explore alternative treatments that address both emotional and physical well-being. Holistic approaches can offer valuable insights and solutions that traditional methods may overlook.
3. Prioritize Self-Care: Incorporate daily practices that nurture your mental and emotional health. Positive affirmations can significantly impact your healing process. Make time for activities that bring you joy and peace, and don't be afraid to set boundaries to protect your well-being.
4. Maintain Faith: Trust in divine justice and the process of spiritual growth. Respond to adversity with higher consciousness rather than retaliation. Keeping faith in a higher power or the greater good can provide comfort and guidance during difficult times.
5. Celebrate Growth: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements and growth, no matter how small they may seem. Recognizing your progress can help you stay motivated and appreciate the journey you are on.

In conclusion, surviving the dark night of the soul is not just about enduring pain but transforming your Self through it. It's about emerging on the other side as a stronger, more enlightened being. I encourage you to embrace your struggles, prioritize self-care, and trust in your journey of spiritual growth and self-actualization. Remember, you have the power to spark your own light and connect with your divine source for guidance and strength.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. May you find love, light, and peace as you navigate your own.

Warm regards,

Erin Patten

Metaphysical Master | Host, The MetaBusiness Millennial Podcast

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Erin Patten is a metaphysical master in a millennial age. She is a highly sought-after master advisor to corporate executives, startup founders and their respective organizations. She founded the MetaBusiness World to guide magnetic leaders in extinguishing organizational dis-ease by working through emotional and spiritual roots of conflict to find balance.